When he came home, I knew I was in trouble. I hadn’t mopped the floor yet. He was already upset because we had found out that the baby was a girl. I was secretly happy but I know he wanted a boy. He said he understood about the floor, this scared me more. One hour later, I woke up. I had passed out when he chocked me. He was tender as he helped me to get into bed. I had to try harder to be a better housekeeper. He knew I was young but he doesn’t like it when I make him mad. I had to stop with excuses and do better. He doesn’t like having to hurt me. No, it’s ok that the baby is a girl. That just means we can try again for a boy.
This happened over 20 years ago but it seems like it was yesterday. I can still feel the coldness of the bathroom floor and see the white walls of our apartment. I can still feel his hands around my throat and my feet dangling where he held me against the wall. It has always been with me. Usually, it is in the back of my mind and I can overlook it. Sometimes, something would happen and it is like I am back in that bathroom. For instance, reading a blog from someone who is speaking out, Prego and the Loon.
It is no surprise, when someone I love like a daughter, my niece, has finally left her abuser that I would think of this time in my life. Will this time she get away for good like I finally did or will she go back. I don’t know. I hope she is finally free of that life.
I was one of the lucky, or smart ones, I left 6 months after that incident. He hit me with my daughter in my arms. While I could take him hurting me, I could never let him hurt my baby girl. I tell Brittany she saved my life and she did. Eventually, he would have killed me.
Woman stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons. Religious and family pressure is one reason; divorce is frowned upon in many cases. Financial and emotional dependency is another reason; in some cases, the abuser has held their victim down by saying they don’t need to work or they don’t need anyone but them. Another reason is fear, of failure, the abuser, or just of change. Self esteem, also, plays an important role in why a woman stays. They feel unworthy of love that does not include abuse. Whatever the reason, too many woman stay (Peer support services for Abused women).
Domestic violence is a real threat to many. Sometimes, it seems the cycle never ends. Children who see this abuse have a higher chance of growing up to either be abusers or to be the victim (safehorizon). I witnessed my mother’s abuse; I became the victim at 19. Brittany swears she has not been abused by any of her boyfriends but I am not sure. I am so scared that she will continue this cycle. My niece is just another victim of the abuse but one that breaks my heart more than my own.
Links About Domestic Violence:
safehorizon, Domestic Violence Statistics, domesticviolence.org, Peer support services for Abused women, Prego and the Loon